New Year's resolutions are commitments people make at the start of the year to improve some aspect of their lives. According to a classic study from the University of Scranton, only 8% of people keep their New Year's resolutions. The abandonment rate is massive: 25% give up in the first week, and over 60% before February ends. However, when resolutions are shared with another person and become a joint commitment, the success rate triples.
This has direct implications for relationships. An individual resolution ("I'm going to go to the gym more") depends solely on your discipline. A couple resolution ("We're going to have dinner together at least three nights a week without phones") depends on shared willingness. And that shared willingness, when cultivated, is the most powerful engine of relational change that exists.
| Generic resolution | Why it fails | Effective version |
|---|---|---|
| "We'll communicate more" | Abstract, unmeasurable | "Every night, 10 minutes of conversation without screens" |
| "We'll argue less" | Focused on the negative | "We'll repair every argument before bed" |
| "We'll be more romantic" | Vague, different expectations | "One couple activity per week, alternating who chooses" |
| "We'll improve our sex life" | Pressure, comparison | "We'll talk about what we like without judgement" |
| "We'll spend more time together" | No structure | "Saturday mornings are reserved for us" |
Because they have a built-in accountability system. When you promise something to yourself, you're the only judge — and you're a lenient one. When you promise something with your partner, there's someone who observes, remembers, and is also committed. That's not pressure — it's companionship.
Moreover, couple resolutions work as a powerful implicit message: "This relationship matters enough to me that I'm willing to work on it." In a world where couples let themselves be carried by inertia, the simple act of sitting down to make resolutions together is already a gesture of care.
Ten minutes without phones, without TV, without children. Just the two of you talking about something that isn't household logistics. It can be "What was the best part of your day?" or "What's been on your mind lately?" Connection is built through micro-moments, not grand events.
It's not about never arguing — that's impossible and unhealthy — but about no conflict going unrepaired. A "Sorry about earlier, I was unfair" or "Can we talk about what happened?" before a full day passes.
It doesn't have to be an expensive dinner. It can be a walk, a coffee, a film at home after the kids are in bed. What matters is that it's protected time for the relationship, not the residual time left after everything else.
"Thanks for making dinner." "Thanks for picking up the kids." "Thanks for listening yesterday." Gottman demonstrated that couples who express daily gratitude have significantly more satisfying relationships than those who take each other's gestures for granted.
Not a resolution for "more sex," but for "better communication about what we want, what we like, and what we miss." Sexuality thrives on conversation, not obligation.
Sit down with a piece of paper and list all the invisible household tasks: who remembers medical appointments, who buys birthday gifts, who manages bills. Then divide them. A shared mental load is one of the changes with the greatest impact on relationship satisfaction.
"I need your help" isn't weakness — it's trust. Many couples function as two self-sufficient islands sharing a roof but not vulnerability. Opening up to each other strengthens the bond.
Do you know each other's current dreams? Fears? What's worrying them right now? People change, and a couple that stops updating its knowledge of who the other is builds the relationship on an outdated portrait.
"You never clean the kitchen" is a criticism. "Could you clean the kitchen tonight? That would really help me" is a request. The difference between those two sentences determines whether the response will be defensive or cooperative.
A resolution that isn't reviewed gets forgotten. Every quarter, sit for ten minutes to review: "How are we doing with this? What's worked? What do we need to adjust?"
At LetsShine.app we help couples set realistic resolutions and track progress with the help of AI, so that good intentions don't end with the New Year's toast.
Don't force it. But you can start yourself: change your behaviour without asking the other to change theirs. Often, when one person starts acting differently, the other responds differently. Change is contagious.
Better two or three well-defined ones than ten vague ones. Overloading resolutions generates frustration. Choose the ones that would have the most impact on your life together and focus on those.
Resume it without guilt. A resolution isn't a legal contract — it's a direction. If you stray, return to the path. Without reproach, without drama, with the naturalness of knowing that change isn't linear.
They can be a first step, but they probably won't be enough. If you're in crisis, resolutions need the accompaniment of a mediation tool or a professional to help you implement them.
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